Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

THE ANTI-SEMITE IN THE GROCERY STORE

Dear Gil:

Ever since I heard about the synagogue burnings in Sacramento I have felt an urge to tell of my own California anti-Semitic incident. My anger has never really cooled and I felt constrained at the time from expressing it. Soon you will know why.

I have always been financially poor since leaving home because my learning disabilities have grossly limited my earning power. To cut it short, I like to take advantage of sales. The grocery store in my small town used to have sales on holiday foods after the spring holidays, and I would stock up on gefilte fish, matzos...etc... Don't laugh! It was a great opportunity for me!

One post holiday weekend, after I entered the store and passed by all of the discounted Easter stuff, ( bunnies, candy, plastic stuff in more plastic stuff) I looked at where the Passover stuff was displayed. Weirdly, none of the stuff was discounted as usual. I knew it must be a mistake and so I asked one of the employees about it.

Soon the manager was over to talk to me. I asked him about it. Well, his explanation was that Passover was not a holiday and so the items were not on sale. I argued with him, mentioned that it was a very old holiday and that the items were on sale the previous year. As we talked he began enjoying himself. His eyes were all lit up as he concluded a long nonsensical harangue with the statement that he would rather send all of the food back to rot rather than selling it to me! I could see his deep glee in sticking it to the greedy Jew woman shining from his eyes. He laughed at me. It was joyful laughter.

We left without buying our usual groceries and vowed never to go there again. I wanted to write a letter to the local paper but the thing that held me back was the idea that my complaint would highlight Jewish stereotypes. So I was trapped with my anger. And I never could find the tiny Jewish community or congregation there.

So there it is! Just wanted to get it out that indeed, my California town does have a small, tight knit liberal community but red-neck anti-Semites feel very comfortable and safe in expressing their hatred there loudly and in public!

C

Dear C:

After reading your letter I could understand the difficult spot you were in. I have given the incident some thought and have some reactions but also would welcome readers to email in their suggestions and comments.

First, I've got to believe you could find some Jewish leadership in this town to discuss this incident with...they would not be selling Passover food if no Jews lived in the area. I am not suggesting organizing a boycott or protest (though I would not rule that out.) Rather, I make the suggestion first because this would be a safe and appropriate way to express some of your anger. In addition I would check to see if your incident is an isolated one. Finally, I would see if leadership in the community have any relationships with management or ownership of the store so your incident could be addressed.

Personally, my style is non-confrontational and in this situation, I would look for ways to get this manager past his ignorance (which I believe is at the root of most prejudice.) Perhaps a member of the local Christian clergy could give you a hand...again local Jewish leadership might be an assist in making the connection.

As a rule, I think you can accomplish a lot more with honey than vinegar. A truly amazing and courageous example of this is the story of Cantor Michael Weisser and his wife Judy of Lincoln Nebraska (described in the book Not By the Sword by Kathrine Watterson.)

Shortly after moving into their new home in 1991, the Weissers received a phone call telling them "you will be sorry you ever moved...Jew boy" and a hang up. Two days later, a package was flung unto their porch with a note "the KKK is watching you scum." Inside where pictures of Hitler and caricatures of Jews and blacks.

The Weisser's learned from the police that the likely harasser was dangerous, a Larry Trapp--"grand dragon" of the Ku Klux Klan.

One day Michael Weisser called Trapp and said, "I was thinking you might need a hand with something and I wondered if I could help. I know you're in a wheelchair and I thought maybe I could take you to the grocery story or something."

This remarkable act of kindness was the beginning of the unbelievable transformation of Larry Trapp. Over time, he not only befriended the Wiessers, he quit the Klan, joined the NAACP and wrote letters of apology to people he had threatened or abused.

It turns out Larry Trapp was an abused child whose father regularly used racial epithets when discussing Jews and Blacks. Once his father beat him so severely he was punched unconscious. To say the least, Larry was not showered in kindness growing up.

In 1992, when diabetes claimed his body, the Weissers took him into their home and Judy quit her job to care for him. He passed away 9 months later, but not before converting to Judaism in the Weisser's Synagogue...a building he had once threatened to bomb!

I have been inspired ever since learning of this story perhaps you will be as well. My point in sharing this remarkable story is not to convince you to embrace anti-Semites, but rather to show that there are many ways to battle anti-Semitism from active fighting to active loving and a lot in between.

I am not sure you care to pursue this matter since it sounds like it happened some time ago--but it also sounds like the anger lingers--and of course that is never pleasant and often unhealthy.

I'll end with a request to readers to email their thoughts and suggestions to me and I will forward them on to you. Thanks for writing.

Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil