Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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Anti-Semites
are Bullying My Kid!
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Dear Gil:
Your last column called "How
Have the Jews Survived?" was helpful for me to share with my 14
year old son...now I am writing to you for some advice. My son has been
taunted and hassled by some school bullies about being Jewish.
The school suspended the 2 kids who
did this for one day and that made them even madder at my son. It has
made him not want to go to school. He has even had nightmares that one
of these kids will shoot him! Plus, my son doesn't want me to get
involved because he thinks that will escalate the problem.
The kids who are calling him names
and scaring him are bigger and older than him, so fighting back is not a
wise option. We did get hooked up with a Jewish police officer who
talked to the families involved and since his intervention, there have
been no further incidents.
My son spoke to a rabbi and that
helped somewhat, but the bad vibes persist.
Do you have any suggestions as to
how a shy kid can deal with this kind of problem?
T
T Shalom!
As the father of a 15 year old boy
myself (plus 3 others) I feel a special empathy and concern for you and
your son. My son's reaction when I asked him his advice was, "tell
him to switch schools" -- which of course I am sure you have
thought of.
My first suggestion is to give your son
the opportunity to speak to as many resources as possible from the
school counselor, to the school principal. Continued discussions with
the rabbi makes sense too. He might also want to speak with someone from
the local Anti-Defamation League (ADL) or Jewish Community Relations
Council....not necessarily to intervene but to provide advice and
support.
My take on anti-Semites in general is
that they are one of 3 kinds of people: (or a combination,) insecure,
ignorant or hateful. Hateful people (especially bullies) are difficult
to deal with because they have in their backgrounds and homes something
very bad/painful that has made them into bitter and mean spirited
people. I tend to believe this is learned behavior.
In all cases, trying to understand why
the person feels as they do is critical...if one has any hope of
changing their thinking. With that understanding, personally, I am much
more into responding with kindness than fighting...though I understand
there is a time and a place to fight back.
You might be interested in a column I
wrote called: The Anti-Semite in the Grocery Store. This is the true
story of a Ku Klux Klan leader who was threatening a Jewish family. They
responded with unbelievable kindness and the anti-Semite ultimately
converted to Judaism! Here is the link to that column: http://www.beingjewish.org/jewishemail/resp0729.html
I am not advocating that you or your
son take this approach, I just offer it to you as food for thought. I
think this family was very courageous...perhaps even foolish, but the
results were remarkable.
Here are some other ideas. They involve
the police officer you mentioned. His relationship with the bullies
might provide an opportunity to educate them that Jewish people don't
have horns, that Jews cry and laugh like everyone else and can even be
nice. Perhaps the police officer could invite the bullies and their
families (with or without you) for a Shabbat dinner. Or you could have
them all to your house for Shabbat and ask the officer's help with the
inviting. You could also try something educational like renting and
watching Shindler's List or something fun like a sports event.
Perhaps the officer could find out if
the "bullies" attend a church and who the clergy is. Their
clergy, together with your rabbi could do some helpful talking with the
boys...especially with all the emphasis in this country now on religious
tolerance and respect. With the help of the clergy or the police
officer, maybe the three boys could even do some kind of fun or
constructive project together. No matter what you and your son decide, I
think it is critical that he have adult supervision and support through
out. To help you further, I am requesting suggestions or just support
from readers. I will forward on any of their comments or experiences to
you. So readers, please email your thoughts to GilMann@aol.com.
In advance, I say thank you on behalf of this father, his teen and
myself.
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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