Dear
Readers,
These columns began on my area of America Online, called: Judaism
Today: Where Do I Fit? People anonymously
sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response
in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become
quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many
Jewish papers and websites. I hope you find they help you
as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood
components of the Jewish way of Life. I welcome your
comments... see the end of the column.
Gil
PS
Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward
them or use them as you see fit. Please see the friendly
copyright notice at the end. |
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I am
VERY Angry at God!
This email requires no explanation. But
I and this writer could use your input...Please read my note at the end.
Thank you.
Dear Gil:
I have always had rock-solid belief
the Lord will protect and defend me. When my son died at 8 years of age,
I admit, I did waver a bit. But, through all that, I still trusted and
believed even though I got mighty angry at G-d. I "wrestled"
but good.
Two years ago my beloved husband,
David, died after a long and painful illness. Yes, the Yahrzeit comforts
but.......I miss him so terribly and I still cry for him.
But now, I have a new challenge. My
wonderful sister is dying of cancer. She's in pain, she's so scared. I
am VERY angry at G-d. VERY angry. How can I stop this anger I am
feeling? My child, my husband and now my sister. The pain is incredible
and I don't know how to get around it. I "talk" to G-d, I pray
and I "wrestle." But, I just cannot stop the anger. Do you
have some wisdom to share that might ease the anger, and truth be told,
some doubt I feel creeping into my heart?
I have grown weary of what seem like
the usual cliches and platitudes. I am sorry to take all of your time
like I have. I deeply appreciate whatever you might have to offer.
L
L Shalom!
As I read your letter I thought --
What's wrong with being angry? Who could blame you after the painful
losses you described? I think something might be amiss if you were not
angry. You might feel a little better if you gave yourself permission to
be angry. I asked a friend of mind who is battling cancer about what you
asked me. She told me, "Moses was sometimes angry with God. At
times, I too have been angry with God...It's OK, she (God) can take
it."
Moving from anger to pain, I'd like to
offer you a Hassidic saying that you might find comforting: "Who
ever said that one must pray with a whole heart? Perhaps it is
preferable to pray with a broken heart." (Rabbi Uri of Strelisk)
Your heart sounds understandably broken
as you struggle with God. Two resources that could offer you some
guidance as you struggle are Harold Kushner's book When Bad Things
Happen to Good People and the National Center for Jewish Healing at
212-399-2320. They have both provided help to countless hurting people.
Locally, I suggest you seek out a
Jewish Healing prayer service (or talk to a rabbi about creating one.)
Here is a prayer from one such service (the Center for Healing can send
you others.) This prayer (I am sorry, I don't know the author) touched
me -- perhaps you too will find it meaningful:
"Each of us enters this sanctuary
with a different need. Some hearts are full of gratitude and joy: They
are overflowing with the happiness of love and the joy of life; they are
eager to confront the day, to make the world more fair; they are
recovering from illness or have escaped misfortune. And we rejoice with
them.
"Some hearts ache with sorrow:
Disappointments weigh heavily upon them and they have tasted despair,
families have been broken; loved ones lie on a bed of pain; death has
taken those whom they cherished. May our presence and sympathy bring
them comfort.
"Some hearts are embittered: They
have sought answers in vain, ideals are mocked and betrayed; life has
lost its meaning and value. May the knowledge that we too are searching,
restore their hope and give them courage to believe that not all is
emptiness.
"Some spirits hunger: They long
for friendship; they crave understanding; they yearn for warmth. May we
in common need and striving gain strength from one another, as we share
our joys, lighten each others burdens and pray for the welfare of
community."
A main point of this prayer and Jewish
healing services is that you should not struggle alone. I do not
understand God's ways or why there is so much pain in this world, but I
do see that God gave us others. Just as life can be so wonderful we must
share it with others, life also hands us difficulties that are far too
painful to endure alone. Especially at such times, we need help with our
answerless questions and constructive outlets for our dark thoughts and
emotions. So don't struggle alone. Share what is on your mind with
family, friends, rabbis, professionals and others.
Please continue to reach out as you
have to me. Together with others, I hope you are able to find the
comfort you seek and deserve. Stay in touch!
Gil
A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© Copyright Gil Mann
These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org. Not
only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email
columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!
All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you
also include this little copyright notice. Thank You!
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