Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

LOUSY CHRISTMAS TREE ADVICE?

Dear Gil:

My boss (non-Jewish) went to a Jewish child's funeral yesterday and returned with a comment. The child's family did not belong to a synagogue and the service was at a Jewish cemetery with no rabbi present.

A priest who knew the family attended. He was wearing his traditional shirt-with-collar. In an absolutely non-confrontational way, someone from the Jewish mortuary said to the priest "We would be more comfortable if you did not wear your clerical collar." The priest responded, equally pleasantly, that the collar was part of his shirt. The exchange was informal and polite.

Assuming the collar was detachable, my boss thought the request was reasonable. I didn't. I could see that wearing a huge cross might be insensitive...but a priest in a collar is simply saying "this is who I am." I'd be curious about your reaction.

W

Dear W:

To answer your question, I wanted to first understand why a priest wears a collar. This led me on quite a goose chase. I could not tell you how many calls I made. Most people simply did not know. In fact, one of the priests who ultimately helped me, did not know himself and researched the question.

In the end I received gracious help from three priests: a priest who is a Professor Emeritus of Theology at a seminary in Illinois, a priest who works at the Archdiocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul and a local parish priest.

I learned that there are many types of priest collars, some are detachable, some are not. The idea of wearing a collar is centuries old and its purpose is to distinguish the clergy from lay people. In the words of the professor, it is akin to a uniform. It does not have religious significance per se (like wearing a keepah or tzitzit), however, the distinctive garb identifies the priest as a person who performs religious functions.

Given that the collar does not have the kind of religious significance as a keepah for example, I asked the three priests their opinion of the request made at the funeral. According to religious canon, a priest should wear clothing that distinguishes him as clergy. But one said, the collar could be compared to a wedding ring -- an outward sign of a personal reality. As for removing the collar, all had a similar response. They said, a priest would probably have the discretion to remove the collar. However in this case, given that he was wearing a non--detachable collar there was no choice since being shirtless would obviously be inappropriate.

My reaction is similar to yours, I think the request of the priest was not reasonable. Wearing a collar is indeed a statement made by a priest. A statement that not only says, "this is who I am," but "this is what I do."

The family must have known both who he was and what he did professionally. Both the priest and the family must have also felt comfortable being together at this difficult time. This last thought was echoed by one of the priest who spoke to me.

Since I was so busy asking about this subject, I also conferred with a rabbi on the Jewish law in general about a priest attending a Jewish funeral. He told me this was not a problem. However, if the priest were to publicly speak, technically, the burial is a religious ritual and he should speak after the actual burial.

I don't want lost in all of this discussion, an aspect I found most intriguing of all and heart warming -- the sensitivity of your non-Jewish boss. When I mentioned this to one of the priests, he responded in a beautiful way. He said one of the main reason we wear a collar is to outwardly show to others that we embrace our religion's teaching about treating others with kindness and compassion. If wearing the collar at this funeral would cause pain, then removing it would be appropriate. I think this is what your boss was responding to and I admire his thoughtfulness.

Thanks for writing!

Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!

Thanks,
Gil