Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  All I ask is that you tell people where these columns came from.  I also hope you'll send folks to www.beingjewish.org! Thanks.

LOUSY CHRISTMAS TREE ADVICE?

Now that the intensity and emotion of the Christmas season is behind us, I am sharing an edited exchange of Emails I had with a non-Jewish reader. He wrote in reaction to a column discussing placing a Christmas tree in a Jewish home to accommodate young non-Jewish children from a prior marriage.

Dear Gil:

Your article regarding the Christmas tree in a Jewish house has prompted me to respond for these reasons:

1. I disagree with your premise that a Christmas tree is a sign of some Christian belief. My family (Catholic background) does not practice any belief system but enjoy the tree, lights, etc.

2. When our son first invited his special Jewish friend (who became our daughter-in-law) to our home for the Christmas holidays we asked her to bring her Menorah which we placed in a "prominent" location in our home. When Jewish holy days are celebrated we willingly participate and encourage the activity. It is our practice not to fear what others chose to believe and do. Respect for the differences in people is a major consideration of all religions and should not be denied to the children in your article. Their belief system should be encouraged and not be relegated to some inferior status as you have suggested.

Do you think the rigid ideals you and others put forth make people better?

O

Hello O:

Thanks for your E-mail. As I wrote in my column, a Christmas tree is not called a winter tree or a holiday tree. You can view it as a secular symbol if you wish -- many Jews or Muslims would disagree with you.

As to your second point, I am not sure what you are calling a rigid ideal. I think you would agree that ideals are worth believing in. They are standards we try to live up to because they will make us better people. Using the word "rigid" is certainly a negative spin. How about lofty? In gray areas (like much of life) we must find ways of balancing our lofty ideals with the pragmatics of life and individuals. That is why I suggested to the mom who wrote that she provide a place for a Xmas tree -- even a prominent place -- in the home for her children's spiritual needs even if they cause her discomfort. Hope that clarifies things a bit. Thanks for writing.

Gil

Dear Gil:

Thanks your response. Can you tell me why some people are afraid to have a different religious/secular symbol in their home when they allow a person of different faith in their home? Would you ask a guest in your home to sit in some obscure area of your home because they were of a different faith....after all they are a living symbol of their faith? It really is about "heart," not some academic exercise suggesting lofty ideals...Gil, the kids are confused and hurting....loosen up!

O

Hello again O

We all have different thresholds...including you. Perhaps you would not care to have your kitchen koshered so a strictly Orthodox Jew could eat in your home. Or perhaps if a devout Moslem insisted that he perform one of his daily prayer sessions to Allah in your living room and asked you and your family to leave so he could do that. How about a Wicca or witchcraft worshiper insisting that you or your children or grandchildren join him or her is some pagan worship before breaking bread?

I am being extreme on purpose. I am all in favor of respecting and learning from other religious traditions...but my home is my home. I would happily welcome a person of another faith into my home and discuss his or her beliefs and faith system -- I would not be happy however if they brought a ham sandwich into my home.

Jews have over the years developed a sensitivity to having other religions forced upon us...even to the point of death (i.e., the Inquisition.) Symbols like crucifixes and yes, even a Christmas tree mean a great deal to many of us.

I have tried to loosen up...which is why I ultimately suggested that for the children, a tree be placed in the living room if that is what is necessary to nourish and enhance their faith and well being. I would ask of you to please be mindful of the sensitivity of many Jews who have been hurt and scarred by countless generations of persecution...in the name of other religions.

Gil

Dear Gil:

I am well aware of the hurt that peoples have experienced because of differences in perception or cognition....be it the color of skin, religions or political ideology. You ask me if I would allow people to conduct a worship behavior in my home and if I would participate.....YES. When I am invited to a Jewish Temple I am honored...and to a Moslem Mosque...I am honored...this is so, because I understand the common fears of mankind, and the variety of tradition/custom to ask for relief from the fear of sickness, old age and death....their are others! I maintain we all should "Lighten Up," and not take ourselves seriously....from a distance it's all very comical, and at the same time very sad. What is not funny is the way we treat each other because of those fears and the belief systems we develop.

Be Kind...Be Good...Be Jewish if it suits you...practice any faith at the time it suits

you, but don't take it to be license to claim a special significance. There are no Gods in my system because I would be hard pressed to select one or more of the many prayed to each day by millions of people.

O

Hi O!

You raise some good points though I think you downplay significant differences between religious systems. Religion can be a God send and a curse. In my experience, few people have the thoughtfulness, open mindedness and conscientiousness that you have about life...and respecting other life. If everyone in the world could be as introspective and desirous of kind behavior as you appear to be, perhaps we wouldn't need religion and perhaps the world be a better place. As for me, I embrace Judaism largely because I dream of a better world for adults and children of all religions -- with and without Christmas trees.

Peace!

Gil