Dear Readers, These columns began on my area of America Online, called:  Judaism Today:  Where Do I Fit?   People anonymously sent me E-Mail, and I began to choose one for a public response in my Jewish E-Mail of the Week column. The column has become quite popular and is now syndicated internationally in many Jewish papers and websites.  I hope you find they help you as you think about the Ethics, Spirituality and Peoplehood components of the Jewish way of Life.  I welcome your comments... see the end of the column. Gil PS  Teachers and others, feel free to copy my columns and forward them or use them as you see fit.  Please see the friendly copyright notice at the end.

FEELING "WELCOMED" AT THE SYNAGOGUE

Dear Gil:   

I've observed that the well-intended practice of noticing and welcoming non-members of the congregation who visit one's synagogue, can occasionally have the unintended effect of making them feel awkward.   

Sometimes people who are not affiliated with a congregation will go to its shul because they need to say Kaddish, or because they are investigating shuls in the area but aren't sure whether to affiliate, or perhaps just want to attend an occasional Shabbat service but aren't ready to make the steep commitment to become a dues-paying member.    

I've seen such people, who seemed to just want to attend quietly without drawing attention to themselves, appear visibly embarrassed when a person approaches them and says, "Shabbat shalom! Are you a member?" -- and they are forced to say "no"   

I'd love to hear back on what you think about this.

E.

In general, I think a kind and warm greeting is almost always appreciated.  In fact, I’ve chosen your email because I’d like to encourage synagogues to institute the policy of having greeters plus even more.  I’ve seen and valued greeters at a number of synagogues and churches.   

Having said that, I can see your point, though I think an “embarrassed” reaction is probably the exception.  The key is to come up with a greeting that would be safe and not embarrassing for non-members and members (bear in mind that statistics show that most members of synagogues seldom show up for services.)  Something like this would work:  

"Shabbat Shalom or Shana Tovah!  If I can help you in anyway, please let me know!  Welcome!   

Beyond greeters, I believe a “welcoming culture” should be the mantra throughout the synagogue.   This should be felt from the Bima to the pews to the classrooms.    

I recommend a good article that broadly addresses this issue by Rabbi Hayim Herring, the Executive Director of STAR (Synagogues: Transformation and Renewal – www.starsynagogue.org).  You can read the article at this website:  http://tinyurl.com/jxdjq   

Here are 6 suggestions of my own that demonstrate what I mean by a welcoming culture:   

1.  There should be designated members of the congregations at every service or program who should be wearing name tags that say:  Welcome!  Please ask me about name of synagogue.   These folks should be trained to welcome folks and be knowledgeable about opportunities to participate in synagogue life.   

2.  At the end of services, a program or class, from the bema, stage or head of the classroom, the rabbi and others should call attention to these folks, ask them to stand and invite people to seek them out with questions.

3.  In all the pews there should be sheets that people can take that describe opportunities to get involved at the synagogue with easy steps and contact info.   

4.  Featured on synagogue websites and publications on the front page in a friendly and graphically obvious way should be information for all, (members, non-members and newcomers) about the synagogue and opportunities to participate.   

5.  Members should be regularly encouraged to introduce themselves to people they don’t know.  Elaine Kleinman of STAR told me that “a truly welcoming synagogue does not have a committee of greeters, because all their members are welcoming.”  Another suggestion from Marsha Rothpan of STAR was to have a buddy system where veteran members adopt a new member.   

6.  Finally, I’ll leave you with a powerful technique that Marshal Lehman, the president of my synagogue, Beth El in Minneapolis , used last Yom Kippur.  He progressively asked people to stand and remain standing if:  1.They or their child had been married at Beth El.  2.  They or their child had gone to Beth El’s pre-school.  4.  They or their child had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Beth El.  They or their child had participated in the youth group.  5. A member of the clergy had visited them or a member of their family in the hospital.  6.  A member of the clergy or a lay person had led a Shiva service for a member of their family.  At this point he asked us to look around at our Beth El family and see that virtually all were standing.  Then he said, if you see someone who is still seated, they are likely a newcomer or a guest with us this Yom Kippur.  Please introduce yourself and welcome this person.  In my case, this wonderful technique led us to meet the woman sitting near us who recently moved to my city.  This led to her joining us in our home a few hours later to break the fast.   

What a wonderful way to start the new year and to make my synagogue a more welcoming place.   

I hope these suggestions can make your synagogue a warmer and more welcoming place.   

Wishing you, all my readers and the people Israel shalom and    

Shana Tovah! 
Gil

A FRIENDLY COPYRIGHT NOTICE © Copyright Gil Mann These columns can be found at www.beingjewish.org.  Not only do I give you permissions to copy these Jewish Email columns...I HOPE YOU WILL and that you share them with others!  All I ask is that you never charge anyone for them and that you also include this little copyright notice.  Thank You!